It’s hard to understand when you treat a guy with love and passion, why he turns around and cheats on you, or does something to hurt you. What’s worse then is picking yourself back up and trying to love again. And if it’s that same man, wow, that’s a real challenge to be able to forgive and accept him back.
A lot of your ability and willingness to continue or start over with him is going to depend on a number of things, such as how much time you have already put into the relationship, if he is actually worth it, whether or not there are kids involved and… whether or not he is REALLY ready to change his ways.
So the question becomes… can I trust him (or another man again)?
There are signs to watch for in a man that will tell you if he is ready to stop the madness and commit to a loving and exclusive relationship with you.
• Check out how he reacts to a break up. Did he sit back, spend some serious alone time and then make an effort to change? Instead of hitting the clubs, for example, is he spending his time with his nieces and nephews or doing something worthwhile, such as volunteering.
• Is he willing to take little steps? Does he understand that you have to heal? Rather than trying to win you back in one fell swoop, does he understand that it’s going to take time? If he is willing to make the effort and take the time to win you back, it’s probably a good sign that he will have learned his lesson.
• Confession. Is he willing to admit he was wrong? If dude is interested and sitting down and really communicating, the healing process can begin and trusting him again can be accomplished. But he’s gotta be wiling to open up, communicate and most importantly, hear your point of view.
• How is he handling the pain he caused or how is he dealing with the break up? If he is bending his own rules to show you he is sorry and wants you in his life, then he might be worth giving a second chance. Here’s an example: Don Juan hates chick flicks. He refused to go see them and would not sit with you when you were watching them on TV. So now he shows up on your doorstep with “Waiting to Exhale,” “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” and “Soul Food” all in his hand, plus flowers (which you love and he never bought before) and take-out (not McDonalds – we’re talking Chili’s or Olive Garden or your favorite Roscoe’s if you’re in L.A.), well, it’s a sure sign dude misses you and he is wiling to step out of his comfort zone and compromise to soften your heart about taking him back.
The important thing is for you to take your time with any decisions. Who knows? You might find out life ain’t so bad without him, or better yet, it can be good again with him.